I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Randomize
