forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
my poor anus
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
