My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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