Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
