I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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