her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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