Sorry, I don't speak sober.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
