Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
