My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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