i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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