Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
