Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
how drunk are you?
Several
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
