we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
