i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
