I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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