you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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