you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
