I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
