I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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