Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
