I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
