Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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