you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
