I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize