my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
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