I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
