Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
