What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
