Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
