she woke up with a sticky ear
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
