I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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