didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
