come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
