but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
