More tranny stories later!
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
