Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
