Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I should be sponsored by Trojan
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
