Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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