my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
