i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize