Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
