Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
