last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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