just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
