you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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