i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
