but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
