I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
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