just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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