im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Randomize
