I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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