smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
