why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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