I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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