As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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