You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
