I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
