I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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