Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
