Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize