The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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