When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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