Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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