Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
