I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
