East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
someone owes me an orgasm
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
