he puts the penis in happiness.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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