How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
